Adventures with Anon: 19/02/2000
How odd, Anon thought. It wasn't every day that you were able to look out the passenger side window and see the ground tilted at a 45 degree angle. He felt that he would have reflected on the revelation more had he not been huddled up in a little ball and waiting to get smashed into the pavement.
Of course, that didn't happen, as it would be a very short story if it did. All four wheels touched down again, and the driver was back in control. Of the Ford Expedition, anyway. His sanity, now that was another story entirely.
"Uhh, what was that?" Anon questioned.
"That old guy back there was only doing 55!" the crazed one responded.
"Well, this is true... but did you have to pass him in a no-passing zone when the speed limit is 55 anyway?"
"Of course! The rules were not made for me!"
Great, a two-hour ride with the SUV driver from hell. Anon figured that it would be best to look ahead in order to make sure he had time to warn the poster boy for Losers Anonymous of any possible dangers, such as a lack of road. It was a good thing he did, because not even two minutes later a hapless cow wandered into the road and stood there. "Uhh, you do see that cow up ahead, right?" Anon got his answer when Poster Boy sped up.
"Yeah, and he'd better move, cuz he's gonna get squashed if he don't!"
Luckily, the cow had more sense than Crazy and got out of the way, running faster than Anon thought was possible for a bovine.
* * *
An hour and a half later, they had very narrowly came out alive from encounters with a jack-knifed semi truck, a contruction zone, three pigs, a billboard proclaiming "Hand over the keys if you're drunk" (which gave Anon some more to reflect upon), a group of schoolchildren, and several buildings--all of which were very large and made at least partly of cement. Having fully ground his teeth down to stubs, Anon was pretty much on the verge of a nervous breakdown, hopefully involving the destruction of a certain driver. Before the crazed one could pass one more elderly person that was (gosh darn it) obeying the speed limit, however, their destination arrived to greet them, and Anon was able to get out of that wretched carrier of insanity once and for all. Surpressing the urge to kiss the parking lot, he made his was to a phone booth to set up an appointment with a local psychiatrist.