The Guide to On-Campus Dating

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Because Valentime’s Day (that’s what one of my childhood friend’s used to call it) is right around the corner, I figured it would be appropriate to give a very basic, yet very helpful, guide to on-campus dating.  This guide will be told from the guy’s perspective and will start at the beginning of the date.  Also, I will be assuming that you already have someone to go with you.  No, this guide will not work for dolls or imaginary dates…unless you happen to have a very convincing imagination. 

The great thing about dating on campus is that there are plenty of places to eat and there is a wide range of foods available.  Now, if you are one of those people that have that 14+ meal plan, I’m sure you understand how important it is to stay on campus.  If you leave, that is four bucks right down the drain.  On the walk to your eating area, it is important to bring up the meal plan situation.  If you both have the 14+, then she will probably want to use one of her meals as well.  In that case, to simulate paying for her diner, ask to borrow her ID card and after the cashier has scanned yours, have them scan hers.  This gives the impression of buying her meal without actually sacrificing any money out of you own pocket and everybody wins.  Let’s say that you have the 14+ and she has the 7+ or lower and she can afford to skip a meal.  Simply pay for yours as a meal and pay for hers out of your debit money.  You get the idea. 

Now, I know that girls these days like to be more independent and some may comment on how they don’t need the guy to open doors and pull out chairs for them, but they all still really like it.  So, when you go to sit down, let her lead the way to the seat and then before she sits down, hold the top of her chair, to give her the impression that you have done something when you really have not.  It also is very important to not make a big deal out of this.  Make it look like it is something that you do instinctively and this will give you plenty brownie points for the future. 

Once you sit down to eat, there are a couple of rules to keep in mind.  First, take small bites.  You are going to be there for awhile anyway, so don’t cram the food in your mouth.  Chances are you will be asked a question right as you have stuffed your face and you’ll have to do that awkward “One minute, please” thing with your hand.  If you take small bites, even if you have just put something in when she asks you something, you can swallow it quickly and she will be none-the-wiser, allowing you to harmlessly answer her question.  Second rule, don’t be afraid to use you hands.  I know your parents have told you plenty of times to not use you hands, but according to proper etiquette, things that do not require cutting (things like bread, burgers, buffalo wings, and chicken tenders but excluding peas or other slimy vegetables) should be eaten with your hands.  When we don’t have to worry about the way we are eating, it allows us to open up in conversation and to not be distracted by which hand to hold our knife in.  Plus, guys eat with their hands so much anyway, that we often look pretty goofy when we finally use silverware.

A lot of people come up to me and say, “Brandon, I am really good at treating my date like royalty…but I just don’t know how to talk to them.”  Anyone that knows me will back me up on the fact that talking is the one thing I have a great deal of knowledge on.  The problem most people have on a date is that they ask questions which require one word answers.  The worst question to ask is, “So…how are classes going?”  It doesn’t matter if you are sincere or not, the point is that you will most likely get the answer, “Eh, good.”  And then there is that awkward silence when both people try to figure out what to say.  The best way to start a potentially long conversation is to open with a statement or a story about you.  For instance, you could start by saying, “I read today that more than half the women in the world wear only clothes made of 100% cotton.  What do you think?”  See, I just now made that up, but it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not.  What matters is that she responds with her opinion, giving you a chance to give yours.  Now a good conversationalist will be reminded of something to say after every comment…just make sure that you truly listen to what she has to say.  DO NOT wait for your turn to speak!  If you do, it will be obvious and the conversation will be choppy.  Plus, there is a lull in every conversation every seven minutes anyway; there's no need to make it sooner. 

This brings me to another point.  When she talks, where should I look?  That is an excellent question.  See, we are all told from an early age that eye contact is really important, which it is.  The problem is that some people make it really obvious that they are making eye contact and it makes the other person feel like they are on display.  Most people don’t like that feeling.  Eating at the table is the perfect setting for a conversation because you can talk comfortably and eat your food at the same time.  So, when they are talking, just bounce back between your plate and her.  It will really relax the conversation and make it a lot less awkward…which, if you haven’t figured it out yet, is the whole thing I am trying to get you to avoid.

Well, I hope this really short and simple guide to dating on-campus comes in handy.  Maybe someday I will tell you how to wrap-up the date…but, hey, I’m not here to make everything easy for you.  So, good luck with actually finding someone to try these tips out on.  Oh, and don’t forget, if you can’t find a date, you could always practice on an imaginary one…I call mine Cindy.