It always makes me a little bit mad when I hear about 16 year olds that don’t have summer jobs. Not because I’m jealous or anything like that, I just feel there is so much experience you can gain from a summer job. When I was in high school, I worked at Red Lobster, Vector Marketing and the local movie theater. Red Lobster taught me how to properly prepare food, deal with multiple managers and how to fully enjoy stuffing a lobster while it is still alive. Vector Marketing taught me many valuable sales techniques, how to cut myself (and make it look like it doesn’t hurt) and how to successfully lie to perfect strangers. And last but not least, the movie theater. I think I learned the most “real world” experience from that job. Sure, I can work a cash register and clean a film projector, but none of that is nearly as important as the lessons I learned regarding public restrooms. Allow me to explain.
Public restrooms are icky. I don’t really consider them icky because of the germ count or anything like that (in fact, public toilet seats are quite sanitary because porcelain isn’t a porous material, so germs can’t really grow there), I just think the whole idea of a “public bathroom” seems contradictory. To me, the bathroom is meant to be this private place where I can relax, read a book, and unload in peace. That privacy is something I hold very sacred. Next to sadness and nausea, I think relenking is possibly the worst feeling in the world. “Relenked” is a word I made up to describe that uneasy feeling you get when you sit down on an already warmed seat. It’s made even worse when that seat is a public toilet seat and you realize that even though you are in a private stall, you aren’t really alone. Only a few minutes before you got there, someone else’s naked rump cheeks were there.
In an environment like that, it’s easy to see why there is the potential for so many awkward moments. I’ve been involved in my fair share of them so I’ll explain them to help you try to do the right thing if you are ever faced with them. (Note: all of the following situations take place in the Men’s restroom because, and I’ll be honest here, I don’t really have that much experience in the Women’s)
Situation 1: I’m a pretty tall guy and I can see over the stall walls without much effort. It’s usually not a big deal, unless the person next to me finishes at the same time I do, stands up at the same time I do and we both make eye contact for a split second. Darting my eyes back in front of me is a good response…saying, “Sorry for that little fart a couple of minutes ago,” is not.
Situation 2: Once I went to the restroom in a restaurant and when I got there, I noticed that I was by myself and I had my choice of either the regular stall or the handicap stall. Again, I’m a tall guy and I enjoy having as much leg room as possible, so I chose the handicap stall. When I finished, I opened the stall door to discover a guy in a wheelchair waiting on me. Keeping my mouth shut and moving on is a good response…saying, “Welp, I warmed it up for ya,” is not.
Situation 3: Now, this is the situation I experienced while working at the movie theater. Now, if I had never worked there, I would have never known this is a possible scenario. I was on a pee-pee break, so I was using the urinal while wearing my work uniform. While I was going, I felt a slight tap on my shoulder. I figured I just imagined it so I ignored it. Then, there was a slight shove on my back. I awkwardly turned my head to find some guy standing behind me. I looked at all of the empty stalls on both sides of me before replying, “Uh, what?” He leaned in really close to my face and asked, “Hey, when is the new Planet of the Apes movie coming out?” What in the…? He single-handedly broke so many of the unwritten awkward bathroom moment avoidance rules. 1) He touched me while I was going. 2) He made me turn around to look at him. 3) He actually talked directly to me. 4) He stepped within my four feet of restroom personal space. 5) He asked me a work-related question while I was on my break! I’m not sure why that last one aggravated me the most, but still.
See, you can’t tell me I didn’t gain valuable life experience from that job. I learned why not to break so many bathroom rules because I saw what it was like to be on the other side. Whoa, I just got a mini-shiver thinking about it. And now, I have passed on my life experience to all of you readers so that you can pass it along and so on. If you see a teenager who doesn’t have a summer job, be sure to tell them you never know what kind of experience they can gain from one. If they don’t believe you, do what I do and tell them my experience. Of course, it won’t be as effective not coming from me because if I see the kids aren’t fully engaged in the story, thanks to my job at Vector Marketing, I can lie to make it more interesting.