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Man, Chinese food is weird. I know you hear it everywhere that you eat it then a half hour later you are hungry for more, but its true. Only because in half an hour you are in the bathroom releasing the angry Chinese army you had wrongfully imprisoned in your stomach. I think the coolest part about getting Chinese food is the fortune cookie. Ah, the fortune cookie, a delightful snack which can bring much meaning to a pathetic life (note that I am including myself in that statement). I recently received a fortune cookie that read, “You are the master of every situation.”
After reading that, I sat back and had to agree with that statement. I always have been the master of every situation. As I thought about it though, I realized that many times, I thought I was the master of the situation, but later it proved to be only in my head. I’m sure the guys out there will remember a time in elementary school when having pictures on their underwear was the thing to do. I had a pair of underwear for almost every Saturday morning cartoon I watched. Ghostbusters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Care Bears…you name it I probably had it, as long as you name one of the cartoons I just mentioned.
Anyway, I remember once in the first grade, I was using the restroom during our scheduled “potty break”. I had this friend that when he used the urinal, he would pull his pants completely down to his ankles. I could probably write a whole new column on restroom etiquette, but I really don’t want to get into it now. When I walked in the room, I noticed that he was wearing the same Ninja Turtle underwear that I was! Oh, how exciting! I had to spread that important news to everyone. As soon as I got to class, I told my teacher, “Me and B---- are wearing the same underwear!”
When I went to lunch, I told the scary bearded lunch lady, “Me and that kid are wearing the same underwear!” I told the same thing to the bus driver, the crossing guard, the fifth-grade hall monitor, and I just couldn’t figure it out. Why didn’t anyone care? I mean, come on! We were wearing the same underwear! How often does something like that happen? I suppose in retrospect I can understand why some people would question interest in that sort of thing. Now I can understand why the lunch lady asked me how I knew we were wearing the same pair. I also now understand why the answer, “I saw them when we were using the bathroom,” got a few laughs. That’s what is cool about kids though isn’t it? They are just like a guy who sniffed too many permanent markers…they are amazed at the smallest things. That doesn’t make the kids less smart or un-cool, although Care Bear underwear might.