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If you are that type of person
that
hides in caves, doesn’t talk to others, or basically anything else to
stay
sheltered from current events, then you are really missing out. For those specially secluded people, I am
going to take it upon myself to help fill you in on what’s been
happening in
the world (but not without a few added comments).
Well, it finally happened. On
March 5, Martha Stuart was convicted of
obstructing justice and, my personal favorite, lying to the government
about a
suspicious stock sale. Yes, that’s
right. She may actually have to serve a
prison sentence of up to twenty years (although, in reality, she may
only serve
two or three months). Do not fear, bad
comedians and political cartoonists have not ignored the obvious joke
which is
“Martha in jail”. Oh my, what can we say
about Martha in this most unlikely of places?
Um, how about we make fun of her attempt at redecoration? Perhaps we can talk about what food dishes
she will prepare while in jail. Give
me
a break. Those jokes are so easy! Why don’t you guys try and come up with
something that hasn’t taken up half an hour of Saturday Night Live or
ALL of
the political cartoons in EVERY newspaper?
My suggestion: try and make fun of the lack of leadership her
company
will face. Maybe poke fun at the freedom
her personal assistants will finally get to enjoy.
Come on, in the words of that cell phone
commercial, “Think outside the box.”
Next, which
I would consider equally important, is the recent troubles the Disney
Corporation
has faced. Allow me to explain this
very childish situation. You see, Pixar,
in search of a new distributor, has just left Disney.
Whoops!
The most popular thing to happen to Disney since Aladdin toys at
McDonald’s has just walked away, leaving them to hold their own weight
with the
recent less-than-blockbusters, The Little
Mermaid 2 and Return to Neverland.
I wouldn’t be surprised if their next project
was The Lion King 4 ¾: Simba’s Second
Mortgage. Roy Disney (Walt
Disney’s nephew) resigned hoping that CEO Michael Eisner would follow,
allowing
I hope
those have given you enough reason to stay in your cave a bit longer,
and with
Michael Jackson’s trial coming up, I may end up joining you. I hope you don’t mind Neil Diamond music or
Cameron Diaz posters.