8-13-01

i haven't written in here for a loooonnng time.. hehe.  i came back from the philippines on july 25.  i would have written in that week, but i had some wicked jet lag, and the week right after, i went to some medical camp thing, where i got to dissect hearts, eyes, minks, kidneys, and a snake.  hehe.. lots of fun.  anyway, i had the best time in the philippines.. truth be told, i didn't want to come back.  it's so weird.. i was only with my cousins on my dad's side for 6 days, and i feel so close to them already.. it must be a family thing.  within 2 days, i was holding hands with everyone.. even my guy cousins.  that's pretty weird.. cuz i usually never give a chance for guys to even touch me within the first week.  i miss them so much.. i didn't care about all of the "sights" or even going to the beach.. just as long as i was with my cousins, i was happy.  my sister, on the other hand.. she was miserable the entire time.. hehe.  after the first week, she didn't want to get close to anyone, because she didn't want to be sad when she left.  so, she distanced herself from everyone.. or at least tried to.  the last 2 days that we were there, she immersed herself into our little circle.  my cousins skipped an entire week of school, to spend time with us.. i've never felt so important.. lol.  so, it was sort of a shock when i came back here to michigan, and people called me up and when i told them about my vacation, they were like, "oh.. you left??"  *sigh*  i guess i'm just gonna go back to being quiet, shy maysee..  the one that nobody notices unless she takes off her glasses.  what is with that?  oh well.. it's not like that's something to complain about.. sorry.. i'm just going off into oblivion right now.. i need some food!!  well, i'm gonna go now.. bubye =)

8-15-01

today, i added some more anime pics to the photo album and downloaded winamp.  i didn't have any mp3's to play on winamp, so i went to mp3.com and just started to download anything that sounded interesting.  now i'm listening to a song that says, "if you let me love you, i'll love you til the end of time".  what kind of crap is that??  does anybody know the divorce rate in this country?  you would be lucky if you found like 15% of the couples that are still married who don't want to kill their spouse.  hehe.. i think that the sublime happiness that i adopted in the philippines has worn off.  i'm back to my cynical old self.. and it sucks.  it really really blows.. i felt so at home there, and my mom says that i'm a "true pinay".. pinay being a term that means filipino female.  i lived there with no electricity, no running water, no makeup or shopping (oh my God!  *sarcasm*), no flushing toilets, no bed, no mattress, and worst of all, no piano for 3 weeks, and surprisingly, i was totally loving it.  i told one of my friends once that i was a city girl, coming from toronto and all and then moving to this TINY TOWN grand rapids (i hope he reads this), and that i could never be a country person.  but, i discovered that i can be a country gal, just not an american country girl.. hehe.  believe me, there is a difference.  i've gotta get my philippine pictures up in the photo album.. i don't see why girls bother caking up so much makeup on for those pics.. i personally think i looked just fine.  i just wish that i could've gotten more pics with my cousins.. man.. they looked up to me like i was some goddess or something.. even when i tripped over a rock and tumbled down a hill, they still looked up to me.. lol.. i had to have fallen like 5 times.. i'm such a klutz.  i should go before i end up reminiscing and writing all the events of the trip...  oh yeah.. one more thing before i go..  although there was no running water, i did take a shower everyday.. hauling water from the water pump and taking a shower with all of my clothes on cuz there was no place to take a shower other than the backyard, which was in plain view from everywhere..  my sister cringed at the thought of that, but i had so much fun.. that's the life.. they may not have lots of money, but they know how to have fun.. and the guys are great!  lol.. ok.. let me stop and i'll explain that last comment at some later date.. keep smilin' ;)  

9-10-01

argh!!!  well, i've relocated to geocities because angelfire is refusing to let me upload my stuff to my directory there.  so ha!  take that!  one less site to advertise on.  hehe.. whatever.. anywayz.. i changed some stuff in my site cuz i was bored.  hope you have fun with it.. bubyes =)

9-11-01

Today, the World Trade Center Towers were hit by 2 planes.  they say that it was an act of terrorism.. i turn on the tv when i get home, and what do i see?  people in the middle east rejoicing over the death of thousands of innocent people.  what has this world come to?  we are all living, we're all alive, we all feel pain, bleed red blood.. why don't people understand?  taking one's life is a serious thing.. and those people have the audacity to openly show their happiness?  what if 70,000 people in their country died?  ok then.. i'm not exactly known to be the greatest fan of America, but i'm not concerned about America's politics right now, or whatever caused the terrorism attack.  what about the people who have been affected?  the thousands of people who died in a single hour?  the thousands of families that will be affected by this?  the thousands of tiny little children wondering why their mommy or daddy isn't coming home?  and then, people can rejoice over this?  i don't understand where this stupid attitude came from.  i refuse to believe that people were born like that, to laugh at other people's sorrow.  but if not that.. then why??

9-12-01

i am in a perturbed mood.. family problems.. but not with my immediate family.. with my dad's side of the family.  do people not know what love is?  i'm not talking about the romantic kind of love.. i mean the love that a family should have toward each other.  my grandpa, is forbidding my cousin to talk to me, because i "stir up trouble".  geez.. my dad's family lives in the philippines, so i guess that compared to my "well-disciplined" cousins over there, i do cause a lot of "trouble".  because i won't listen to the foolishness that comes out of his mouth, or that i'm not frightened of him like the rest of the family, i'm a trouble maker.  and now, he's trying to destroy the fragile bond that i made with my cousins this summer.  i'm not lying when i say this.. the rest of the family, including my grandfather's own sons and daughters, are just waiting for him to die so they can finally breathe without being afraid of some stupid remark from him.  when i was in the philippines, he called my cousins ugly!  and, to their faces!  it's proud, stupid, boastful people like him that believe that it's ok to destroy love, to destroy family, to destroy life.. just like those idiots that killed those thousands of people yesterday.   it's times like these when you wonder when the world went wrong... i think it's been gradually declining, and all of us are just killing each other with our words, insults, and ultimately... our actions

9-13-01

i've had a trying day today.. people are sometimes so.. ugh!  infuriating.. some people just don't know when to quit bugging you.  i can take my share of joking around, insults and all that other stuff, but there's only so much time until my patience runs out and it's just not funny anymore.  why do people like to do that to me, just patronize me?  is it because i'm a canadian living in america, or because i'm considered "smart", or what?  it's starting to really piss me off.. but, maybe it's because i just wasn't in the mood for it today.. hehe.  it's all relative.  but still.. and another thing, why do people say sorry when they don't mean it?   even if they just want you to feel better, they're still lying to you.  i, for one, hate being lied to.  i'm just fed up with people right now.. especially with my english teacher who assigned 2 essays for me.. i should prolly get started on that.. i'll write later..  i miss being in the philippines so much, where there were actually people who frickin cared.. 

9-14-01

it is so freakin cold!  last night, i slept with 3 blankets on, and when i woke up this morning, i couldn't move cuz my joints were just totally frozen.  anyway, last night, i got a letter from my cousins in the philippines.. and, i just cried.  i miss them so much.. it amazes me how close you can become with someone within a matter of days.  it was my source of inspiration today.. i had a crappy day today.  this guy that was bugging me yesterday, whom i was talking about yesterday, attempted to talk to me and all that.  and, i actually didn't snap back at him.  i was civil, and it really surprised me, because i hold grudges for a long time.  so, i was sort of in a neutral state, where i wasn't mad or happy, which is an improvement over yesterday.  but now, all i can think about is my cousins, how they're doing, if they're thinking about me... it's so hard.. if this is what family love is like, i'd hate to be in love romantically.. it's like torture.  how do people live like that?  it's a waste of emotional racking torment, brain space.. etc.. you get my drift.  well, i'm gonna go now.. hafta get something to eat..

9-18-2001

today i wasn't feeling well, so i stayed home.  hmm.. you know, the stupidity of people really awes me every time i encounter it.  i can't believe how some people like to put you down and belittle you and insult you, when they are unable to do what you can do.  i don't see how they can say anything about your abilities if they can't do the things that you can.  for example, in church, people have no right to insult the way that i play, because they have no idea what music is supposed to sound like in the first place.  yet, they do it anyway.  then, there are the people who like to humiliate me because i'm a "smart" girl, and whenever i mess up, people feel that it is their right to broadcast my mistakes everywhere they go.  yet, they come no where close to the grades and scores that i have, or to the abilities i have either.  i'm not saying that i am better than everybody else, i'm saying that people shouldn't judge others on what they can't do themselves.  that would be like... a blind man saying that the sky is ugly.  he has no idea what he is talking about.  yeppers.. well, i'm gonna go now.. i've had my say for today..

9-20-2001

for anybody who reads this:  NEVER START PROCRASTINATING.  it's a trap i tell ya.. you think you might be doing yourself a favour, but wait til a couple of days later, and you'll realize that you've screwed yourself over.  i procrastinated on my calculus and physics stuff, and now i'm going crazy.  ahhhh.. hehe.. actually, it's not that bad.. i got my physics stuff done now.  but, my friend told me that my english paper that's gonna be like 25 pages long is due in november, and i haven't started anything, and the worst part is - i probably won't start until a week before it's due.  i'm getting stressed out.. hehe.. who said that self-knowledge is beneficial?  well, i'm gonna go now.. one more thing.. for you americans reading this:  it is spelled favour, not favor.  only in america do they spell it as favor, so i'm right =P